Bangs and Whimpers
In the beginning, you never really expect an end to come. In fact, such high hopes and swirls of optimism surround the cries of "Same" that there is no room for needles, which long to pop the bubble we blow up around ourselves. The great C.S. Lewis said, " “Friendship . . . is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .” And that was true of us.
It was these very differences being tossed aside, however, that quietly piled up over time until one strong gust of wind was all it took to knock them over, shattering the carefully crafted house we thought was built on stone. Those sandy foundations can fool the best of us.
It's hard to tell exactly when our friendship began to cave. Is it because I canceled plans last minute, one time too many? Maybe a text went unanswered an hour too long, or someone new came along with flowers just a bit bigger and brighter than my own. Perhaps we never recovered from that first fight which took things just a bit too far. Maybe the thing you found cute a few weeks ago is suddenly what sets your teeth on edge today, and makes you wrinkle your nose at me like I'm something escaped from the zoo.
Tension coiled up between new, awkward gaps in conversation as suddenly, there didn't seem to be any words left. I tried to bring up that one memory which used to make us both fall out laughing. Your lips lifted a centimeter, but your eyes remained blank. Quickly, the conversation became peppered with double-meanings and I found myself exhausted, trying to navigate this veritable minefield that'd popped up between us.
Do you miss me, like I miss you? Does your heart give a painful lurch and does your hand automatically reach for the phone before you stop it, remembering that all you'll have is silence, or maybe a single letter: K.
It's funny, how you can go from knowing every minute facet of a person to not having any clue what they've done for the past few weeks. It's funny, how we don't realize the end is coming until it's already here, and there's nothing to be done.
It's funny, how it's not really all that funny.
Some friendships end in a bang, some in a whimper. I kind of wish ours was a bang, a clean slice of the knife through the cord holding your heart to mine. Our line frayed instead, and I reached out desperately for you as I watched the last strand snap, but you were already gone.
"I miss you. Can we please talk again soon?"
Seen at 1:14pm